Let’s Make America White Again

By Boris Ermakov-Spektor, Christopher Marrero, Dawson McNamara-Bloom, Seniors

​   This country is not great. The United States needs a man who will be honest with the American people. It needs a man who will bolster our economy. It needs a man who will push for the rights of the people. We, as a society of intelligent gun owners, need a man who will protect our sacred Second Amendment. We need a man who sticks to our values.  America needs Trump.
   Donald J. Trump is one of the most honest people alive. The press keeps accusing Donald Trump of lies he did not tell. Politifact’s slanderous articles portray Trump as a man who has his “pants on fire.” The countless articles online and in print think Trump a fool. Trump supporters can feel in their gut that everything Trump utters is true; damn what the fools in the papers say. His ideas are always based on reality.
  Trump’s health is beyond amazing according to his doctor. He has tested positive in every test taken. Despite these assertions, even the doctor was “astonished” that the results were that perfect. His doctor “eye-balling” it, as opposed to using a scale, guesses Trump has lost quite a bit of weight. Also, Trump’s doctor proved himself to be quite the expert by asserting unequivocally “if elected, Donald Trump would be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.” I can only hope this doctor has evaluated the previous forty-four presidents.
  Trump is also great at creating jobs in America. His amazing record of sky-high employment overseas shows that he can certainly create jobs at home. If he was able to create jobs in Mexico, he can create jobs anywhere. Showcasing his Americans-First attitude, Trump created an estimated 34,000 jobs at home. Some criticize Trump for having the majority of his manufacturing overseas. Why do you think Trump manufactures outside of America? He is a businessman. How do you think he is going to make money in this business-toxic economy we are in? It is clear that Trump wants the best for America. That’s why he was against Obama’s bailout of GM motors, since any company that fails once does not deserve another chance. Trump wrote many books about succeeding as a businessman-- maybe GM should have read them; Chapter 11 especially would have helped them recover.
  Donald Trump will be one of the most compassionate and understanding Presidents the U.S. will ever have. Trump will elevate the status of Mexicans and Hispanics in America. By locking out the rapists and drug dealers, the Hispanics we assumed to be good people can now easily get well paying jobs and bolster their image. The wall is essential in allowing the right people in. Yes, the wall is incredibly expensive, but Trump will make Mexico pay for it! How does Trump know that Mexico will pay? Luckily for Americans, we have Trump Diplomacy working for us. The first step in Trump Diplomacy is to politely discuss with a country for a year. Make sure you really get to know this country and befriend their leader. Through the entire process, make sure to let the American people know how well the negotiations are going. Sometimes, their leader will go rogue and lie to the people about how the negotiations went. You must double down and hold the country accountable.
  We don’t want Gold Star families thinking that they deserve to be treated with a certain reverence that comes with that title. Donald Trump will make sure every American knows that no matter what they sacrifice Trump has still sacrificed more. This goes equally as true for Purple Heart recipients since he has the bestest and purplest one.
Trump is the Kremlin’s ideal candidate. His foreign policy ideas read like a Putin wish list. Trump and Putin have taken a laudatory tone towards the other. If Trump, an American candidate for President, is garnering praise from the country just last century we labeled “The Evil Empire”, then that proves that Trump will be amazing for world affairs. Plus what do we need NATO for? It’s clearly creates massive harm in the world.
  Touching upon leaders, Trump is quite a fan of democracy. He respects and honors glorious leaders such as: Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong Un, Bashar al-Assad, and Saddam Hussein. Yes, that Vladimir Putin, the one who enacted the anti-gay ordinances in Russia. And yes that Kim Jong UN, the one who has been accused of countless human rights violations. And of course that Bashar al-Assad, the one who has been killing his own people with chemical weapons and creating the massive refugee crisis. Trump gave him an “A” in leadership proving he knows what to look for in a leader. And of course that Saddam Hussein, the one the US had to declare war on in Iraq and the one who the low estimate of his security forces civilian kill count is 250,000 people.
   Trump is a shining beacon of the American Dream. There is not a more qualified candidate in the race. He is truly the best example that anyone can succeed so long as their parents give them millions of dollars. Let’s make America great again.